anonymousalchemist:

being 25 is like: im dying. im living my best life. im a failure. my life hasnt started. everything interesting has already happened to me. im achieving my dreams. im cutting my hair with kitchen scissors. im starting a skincare routine. im a corporate professional. im a sellout. im out of groceries. i have too many groceries. i am never going to be successful. i am going to win a hugo award before im 30. im crazy. im boring. i need to finish this essay. i need to finish this story. i need to start a newsletter. i need to start tweeting more. i need to stop tweeting. i need to ghost all my friends. i need to tell my friends i love them. i need to find a new apartment. i need to take out the trash. i am the trash that needs to be taken out. 

cauldroncreations:

friends: how was work

me:

image

drunknuncle:

when i was in 10th grade i worked at subway and hated it so i made a bunch of hate URLs

i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed:

sheis:

this one

me wearing high heels

targuzzler:

sarcasticguitarguy:

targuzzler:

never understood people who let candy melt in their mouth. ill bite down on a damn jolly rancher because i lack the patience 

It’s like a dishwasher

i dont understand even a little bit thank you

porko-rosso:

chefpyro:

freud: wanting to fuck your mom is normal

freud’s mom: :/

freud: wanting to kill your dad is normal

freud’s dad:

image

sampsans:

Me….

sexualified:

Wow

sexwitsockson:

5latt:

image
image

icewindandboringhorror:

my brain from 8am - 10pm when I should be awake and active:

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my brain from 12am - 6am exclusively:

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powerburial:

zonecassette:

Dr Phil heard a knock on the door, looked out the window, saw Death standing there, and shut the blinds

this is tim heidecker cosplaying as dr. phil

VS